Fake News, Fake Food and Child Slave Labor

At the end of November, Kellogg’s Corporation, makers of such fine “food” products as Fruit Loops, Pop Tarts, Pringles and Cheez-Its, announced they were pulling their advertising from internet news giant Breitbart because of a “conflict in values”.

You see, Breitbart is one of those websites that people who have been caught lying to us repeatedly call “fake news”. And Kellogg’s, who not only make their products with genetically modified organisms but have also lobbied politicians to make sure you don’t know what you’re eating and supported attempts to make vitamin pills prescription only, has a problem with Breitbart’s values, presumably values such as actually reporting news as accurately as they can without regard to political correctness or social engineering agendas and not pretending to be impartial.

What exactly are Kellogg’s “values”? Even a casual perusal of their list of donations makes it pretty clear that Kellogg’s “values” are very similar to Hillary Clinton’s “values” – whatever makes money.

One can’t help but notice that Kellogg’s sudden burst of social conscience came just a few days after widely respected human rights watchdogs Amnesty International cited them as one of several giant corporations that don’t seem to care very much that their palm oil is supplied through the efforts of child slaves in countries like Indonesia.

At the risk of appearing cynical, one might wonder if this is simply damage control on the part of Kellogg’s executives who watched their stock price drop 2% following Amnesty International’s report. Perhaps some boardroom genius noticed that a lot of the same people who care about labor conditions have also swallowed the currently fashionable load of manure that Donald Trump is racist, sexist, homophobic, etcetera and figured that trashing an organization that one of Trump’s staff used to work for would offset the bad press involved in getting caught supporting child slave labor.

As always, this is a question each of us must consider, or ignore, individually. For myself, considering that Breitbart’s product – news reporting in support of individual human freedom and equality – keeps getting better and cheaper, and Kellogg’s products – non-nutritious, sugar-laden, genetically modified garbage masquerading as food – keeps getting worse and more expensive, its an easy choice.

I’m going to #DumpKelloggs, and Keebler, and Pringles, and Morningstar Farms, and Austin cookies and crackers. And for those of you who disagree, I urge you to double, triple or even quadruple your consumption of these products. And show your support by not waiting for them to go on sale. Don’t worry at all about the myriad of health problems that are associated with consuming these products.

I’m sure ObamaCare has got you covered.